Have you figured out who you are on this motherhood journey? It may be the place where expectation has met the unfulfilled dreams of what you envisioned this role would look like. The seasons of motherhood change as every day passes.
I remember the seasons of overwhelm. When my children were little, the call of my name from children I love very much became a trigger of stress for me. I was simply burnt out from meeting their needs without any rest. As our kids get older, their needs change, the pain points change, but many times, moms don’t change their automatic response to keep on juggling all of the demands without pausing to reflect on what their own needs may be.
What are the signs that you notice within yourself that tell you of a need to practice in an act of self-care? What happens to your response when things just seem like they are too much to juggle? Many times burnout can look like irritability and exhaustion. It can be mistaken for depression, but it is something different. As Dr. Sheryl Ziegler put it, “Mommy burnout is the emotional and physical exhaustion that you feel from the chronic stress of parenting.
Some of the signs that reveal your identity is wrapped up in motherhood can be hard to recognize when you’re not looking for them. Here are five signs that I have recognized in myself and in my conversations with others:
5 Signs Your Identity is Wrapped Up in Motherhood
- Everything that you do revolves around the needs of your child/children.
- You introduce yourself as a mom before mentioning anything else about who you identify yourself to be.
- Your mood fluctuates based on the response and validation of your children and the parenting responsibilities that set the tone of your daily activities.
- The idea of your children not needing you one day brings feelings of overwhelming sadness or despair.
- You have no idea who you are apart from your role as a mother or the parenting responsibilities that you juggle.
The pull between a love for someone else who needs you fully and completely and trying to meet your own needs can leave one feeling depleted, tired, and empty along a journey that held the promise of such high hope for fulfillment.
But see, if we have longed for children to fulfill a deeply rooted need in our lives, then we have approached motherhood from a skewed lens. Perhaps we have fallen for the fairy tale ideas of a happily ever after in a land flowing with milk and honey, with children who align with us every step of the way.
We were designed for a fulfillment that comes from our creator. Motherhood is an extension of ourselves where we get to practice and give of the love that God has given us. Yes, we do feel a type of love in our role as a mom that we may have never felt before. Yes, there is a bond and a connection that we share with our children that cannot be replaced. And the biggest lesson I have learned on this journey is that motherhood is a role of service, giving, helping, and nurturing through an aspect of love that helps me understand God’s love for me from a way more intimate place than I could have ever imagined.
All of these things are basically love in action.
A mother who is healthy and balanced demonstrates a love for her children that is life giving. Taking the time for yourself is a practice that allows the opportunity to refill the parts of yourself that have emptied. When we are refilled and replenished, we are able to serve out of abundance rather than burnout. Our mood improves and the energy that we bring to the table has an underlying fulfillment of joy rather than frustration.
If we look to our children to fulfill a part of our identity, then we have given them a weighty responsibility that they were never meant to bear. Our identity was meant to be in an unshakeable foundation in our Creator, not in the creation that he has allowed us to partake in.
Our humanity surfaces when sleep deprivation and limited time to care for ourselves becomes the norm. It becomes more common to walk around in the unknown of what we really need. Others may ask how we are doing and we fall into the pressure of a quick response of being good or fine when we know that we are not.
Have you found yourself resonating with one of the signs that your identity has become wrapped up in your role of motherhood? You are not alone. As you recognize this and figure things out, there is community for you here at this table.
Recognizing that something is out of balance and needs to be adjusted is always the first step in making any type of change. I encourage you to embrace some very important things about yourself as you move forward on this motherhood journey.
Remember these 3 promises to help you move through this season:
- I am called to steward my children from a God honoring place.
- God has equipped me to serve in this role of motherhood and being in community while I do it is not only okay, it is important.
- Self-care is an essential part of motherhood that will help me serve my children well.
I encourage you to learn about what you need during the season of motherhood you are in. As the challenges rise up and you try to find your way through the chaos, remember that here in this space, there is hope, there is community, and there is help.
Self-care does not have to be overwhelming. There are many different ways to practice an act fo self-care. It can be a simple walk alone or a coffee date with another mom. If you need some help figuring out what a simple act of self-care can look like for you, download your free self-care planner to help you get started.